“Problem refers to a situation, condition, or issue that is unresolved or undesired.” – Wikipedia

There is that common question that I keep having to field: “How is it?” The hot answer has gotten cold, and so I find myself commenting on technology. Work is not going well, and while I have done my best to be deferential to a culture to which I am a guest, I finally snapped.

Simply put, the Internet does not work. We moved the offices to this house in Seeduwa because it was the only reasonable place in which we could get broadband internet access. But the access is shaky, and I have yet to be able to transfer all of the files I need from the U.S. As you can see, the wiring leaves much to be desired. (This particular example is how our phone is connected to the splicer.)

Ignoring the modem/router unit which is giving me error messages in French, and enough configuration options to hang myself with, very frequently the problem is simply that a connection can not be established with the ISP. When a connection does come through, it lasts for 5 minutes before crashing into a never ending cycle of failed connection attempts. While I am sure this is boring to read, it is even worse to experience. I have spent more time trying to get a network connection than any other task. The bulk of my time has been spent trying to get the internet connection to stabilize, while realizing that it is completely out of my control. This morning I came unglued when not only had the internet connection gone down, but it had rippled back into the office network, preventing the computers from connecting to each other.

I feel absolutely paralyzed by the situation. The language barrier big enough in day to day life, but then trying to avoid being handled by a corporate call center on top of that is almost more than I can bare.

“We will call you back.” …I’m still waiting.

I just can’t make things happen here, and while my friend Tom is surely chuckling at my displeasure, it is grating on my nerves. After all, I have a job to do.

Of course, expecting the internet to always be down is having unusual side effects. The other day the internet was down half a day solid, instead of every other 5 minutes. The French error messages, also, seemed different than before. Connections weren’t failing, they weren’t even attempted. In a moment desperation, I sat down with the boys, telling them that I needed their help. After explaining the problem to them, and hoping that they would be able to talk to a technician, they picked up the phone.

“Um, Jed?” Amitha said meekly from behind a pile of cables, “the phone line isn’t plugged in.” The internet was great for the rest of the day.

Network connections are not the only technology with its own local flavor. Electricity here is (forgive the pun) shocking. The power goes out a lot. I have never used UPSs extensively, but backup batteries are standard, and we bought 6 UPSs within days of my arrival. Of course, when the power goes out, and stable internet connection is long gone.

I called Chad for help with an even more amusing dilemma. (Chad, as promised, your pictures are littered throughout this post.) Everything here carries a current. You touch the metal, you get electrocuted. About a week ago I found myself laughing as I grabbing napkins to handle a computer while I plugged in cables. It turns out the problem is with something called “reverse polarization.” As far as I am concerned, the problem is my profane response.

Apparently this house has no ground. All the plug points in the office area are 2 prong setups, and hence the problem. This might seem like a no-brainer, except:

1. I know nothing about electricity.
2. Electrical adaptors here look like this:
   

The nice thing is that labor here is cheap, so hiring an electrician to come rewire the house isn’t a major issue, just an issue of time and my complaining synaptic pathways. I just hope my machines can make it. A matter of hours ago, my laptop, actualizing my primal id‘s desires, abruptly shut off, and then refused to turn back on. The “plugged in” light was the sole illuminated light, whimpering feebly in response to the conditions. This computer is my life, and I panicked at the mere thought of it’s possible demise. I quickly switched power sources, but only to be greeted by sparks and the smell of burning dreams.

Trying to remain calm, but furious that this concept of cultural respect wasn’t working both ways, I took a deep breath, prayed that it was only a response to the heat, and set my laptop next to the fan.Ten minutes later I was up and running, but wondering if I should be making a run to the Buddha shrine on the corner.